Need a Little Time to Wake Up

It's a little bit harder to wake up every morning when your best friends just take it upon themselves to fuck off from the city for higher education. Yes. Even two years on. It's dulled a little, but not close to enough. Damn. I should have applied elsewhere too. New city, more people to get to know. And independent living! Well, sort of. Independent within your parents' budget. Yes, I know it doesn't count. So suck on that, you assholes. Ha!

Two of them went deep South on me. Another one's in Hyderabad. And one fucked off to Canada. Wait. Does the first sentence sound wrong? Ohfuckit. I honestly wouldn't mind if it/they did.

CANADA. Would you believe it? It's not even like Cobie Smulders is ACTUALLY Canadian. Now I have nothing against the country. It's beautiful. LOOK. A Caribou!

Yes..?

But I do take issue when one of my best friends decides to leave for that country. I mean alright, Kolkata is hot, humid, inefficient, time-consuming, garishly blue and white these days, technologically backward, dirty, corrupt, ... um, I think I'd best stop here before I start sympathizing with the bugger. Anyhow, Victor Mario Kaisar is living it up these days as a look-at-me-I'm-the-Sports-Director-of-one-oh-six-point-nine-the-ex-radio-station Grade A prick these days.

He can't even make a decent snow angel. You call those arms?!

Well, there we have Bheektor as our class teacher WAY back in 2005 would call him. Just 'Mario' to us. Although in the school canteen his name would change to 'Ehmariokhawa!' He's doing SO well that he forgets about his friends back home. Oh, did I tell you he bought a car? That pretty much seals it for the wanker. He is now a proud expat. The bastard basterd.

Debarpan 'Dixie' Ghosh is a different kettle of fish/handi of biriyani altogether. This man got an All India Rank of *flourish of trumpets* 62 in CLAT without. proper. study. What a piece of work is Dixie, eh? We were science students at one point in time. You'd picked up Joint Entrance forms, you bastard! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE IT?! But that's all ancient news now. Now this man is in Delhi, interning in the chambers of some bigwig Supreme Court advocate. Oof, Dixie! Chaliye jaa!

This is his "Hyan, chaliye jachchi. Bhaloi chalachchi" face

I miss his hot, hairy body. And here I sigh with much melancholy (punch me when this freaks you out, Dixie; for old times' sake) and wish that I was holding his hand and much else besides...

But then this man is in law school. His life is pretty much set. When he becomes a big-ass corporate lawyer based in the Santa Clara or summat, he'd better fly back to do petty cases in Alipore Judge's Court for me! But he still has two years of law school to get through. I'm not sure what they do in law school, but he tells me it's pretty gruelling. So why is he there?? He shouldn't wear himself out like that. Unless he doesn't know what he's doing there.

Maybe no law student knows what they're doing there...

But in two years' time, this Dixie will be out and about. I hope he remembers to visit. He actually stood us up this Pujo. Gandu. Come back! We need to do matlamo together!

Speaking of matlamo, CHICKEN! You were such a sad specimen of (in)humanity when we were drinking at your place that day. You actually pretended to get high before we'd drunk anything. Raise your game, Srijan Banerjee. This is what Chennai does to you.Here you were, "EHBARACHICKEN!" There, you're just "Bungalli." That's just... pathetic.

What am I doing here? I wonder what you're doing there too.

Big-ass guitarist buying all the latest shizzle in the musical world, eh? Harami. Get back here and I guarantee you will find a guitar up your skinny ass. I bet you're captain of your college football team, na? Big deal. I bet you don't fall off walls there.

That day was insane, wasn't it? Why'd you climb the wall in the first place again? And everyone was standing in a circle below you. And they just took five steps back when you started falling. I remember you telling me, "Sala someone could have caught me, they just all went back! Bastards." I remember the dull thud when you hit the ground. Ohh. Good times, those.

Hell, you're the oldest friend I have in this group of four. Chicken. I just realized. I've known you for sixteen years. Holy Toledo. Just get your stupid, fancy pants SRM engineering crap over with already. It's not like you even like the place. And you told me your food issues. And I know you still have dirt on your skinny hip. And I bet there isn't a hot girl for miles. So leave that damned city and get a job or something! And if you aren't posted in Kolkata...

That.

And I suppose I've saved this man for last. Yes. You know who you are. So cool you think you are no? Going off to MyNipple Institute of Technology and becoming this big stud there? Topping class and going to KFC and watching movies in Mangalore? YOUR PLACE IS CALLED MANIPALA ON FACEBOOK. Ha. Don't forget that. Manipala. Shala. Tshabalala. Banchod. Gandu. Bokachoda. I miss you like fuck. Come back, Ale. Come back.

Just look at that motherfucker? He's like 'Oh I can have all of them anytime.' Bastard.

Such an asshole Alekhya Majumdar is. I don't even know why I love him as much as I do. But fuckitall, he can and does make me laugh like very, very few people could or can. But now he's so hi-fi. He's all "Don't fuck with me, bitch. I don't even know who you are." these days. And I bet he's had sex. Such an asshole. And I bet he does it like ten times a day. Son of a bitch shala. When the cleaning lady does goes into his hostel room every morning while the fuck is acing another test, I'll bet she finds something like...

This.

Sala he's the horniest person I know (barring me, of course) and now his thingummy has the licence to kill. What an ass. When you do your entire class don't forget to TELL THEM, asshole. TELL THEM that I could tell whenever you had an erection in class. TELL THEM I saw your blowjob. TELL THEM that Chicken and I were the first ones to know that it was THIS fat, and THIS long. And just finish your damned biotech course summa cum laude and get the fuck back here.

I miss the whole lot of you.

We should have just stayed here. These are OUR desks. Window-side keoramo.

Assholes. Y u no come back soon?